Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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