Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
