Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
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