The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize