What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
