it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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