If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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