ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
