bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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