So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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