I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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