Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
