Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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