Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
