I think im going to throw up on grandma
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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