Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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