I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
