Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
