Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
