We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
