God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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