Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
