i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
