I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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