my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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