I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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