Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize