i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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