If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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