I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
