Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
