the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Bring me that man meat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
