all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize