I'll bet she douches with gravy.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
