I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
