There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
