you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
