Swine flu is the new snow day.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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