I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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