this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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