Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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