why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
