i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
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