We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
