12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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