ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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