happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
