Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
