I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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