there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
