I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
