On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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