You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
