4 words: hood of his car
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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