yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
