dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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