i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
