Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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