Well apparently he's into motor boating.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
