If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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