i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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