im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
this hospital has no fireball
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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