im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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