I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
