We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
