Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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