I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just threw up on my dentist
you win again, gameday.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
