is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
