while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
