his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
