is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
