in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
