this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
