just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
