not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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